Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
I'm jealous of your bromance
you really need to stop walk of shaming home from theme parties.
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
we are watching a video on ethics because somebody wrote "butt sex" on the attendance sign in sheet
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
Someone touched my vagina when we were out last night. The fact that it was you is inconsequential and I am still counting it as a pull.
Like I feel like I use my high IQ for the wrong things
But that's fine. Because I am an independent woman who is going to pull some jane Goodall shit and save the world one day......or be a porn star......either way they are going to wish they had fucked me.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
Im watching animal planet drunk, watching a documentary on mermaids. Tonight has not gone to waste.
I sucked his dick by a creek, how romantic.
dude the water is back on, you can stop shitting under the tree . . .
Noooo no no no no. She scares me. She means business. She wore a diaper when we went to the bar.
I'm not gonna be naked if your not here. Thats like a waste of nakedness
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