Did you see Brett Michaels get knocked on his ass?
Hurt me personally.
Knocked his cowboy hat off... Bandanna was still good though
just got cropdusted by the delivery guy...this was not in my job description.
So I was blaaazed. & while he was in me all I kept thinking was how bad I'd rather be watching The Office.
Watching the 1st game of the world cup. I'll drunk dial you at 8:30 to wake you up for work.
I imagine the nuva ring like a bug zapper. It just kills them all.
My ex was here I looked him in the eyes when I grabbed some other guy by his belt and dragged him to a room
Called Jeff last night and told him I wanted to have sex in the airport terminal. Blackout Brooke definitely came out last night.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
I shame-fucked to Hotel California, don't tell me about priorities.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
My lunch = taste testing salsas for A&P. They gave me a free 64oz grape juice as a thank you. So, now we have something to drink in the house. So while you are spending all the money on breakfast rolls and pizza for lunch, I'm cigaretteless and whoring myself for tablespoons of salsa and free juice.
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
taking shots alone in my kitchen before I go learn to give a lapdance. when did this become my life?
we f'd six times
f'd?
its sunday, i cant say fucked
Greetings from Florida; the armpit of the US, where my 240something lb brother nearly got carried away by some aggressive woodland mosquitoes. I was only spared because they could probably sense I was currently semi-disassociating and would not feel the suffering their presence wrought.
Anyway, how was your day?
Randomize
