I fucked her on my hockey bag. it doesnt get any more Canadian than that.
You're the 8th person from last night to text me this morning and ask if I'm ok.
I walked in on him shirtless licking the mirror while talking to his reflection. So yes, I definitely want to do shrooms the next time you get them.
It was around the time I started requesting "big girl straws" from the bartender for my jack and diets, that I knew I'd probably wake up with my sunglasses on and find my wallet in the shower.
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
i wanna meet her so much more now that I know she got toed in a hottub.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Rather than admit to myself he's hooking up with her right now, I choose to believe that he's not responding because he's masturbating to my picture, distraught over his poor choice, and trying to forget about the one that got away with a heavy dose of meth.
Your list of "good ideas" thumbtacked to the lampshade last night consisted of nothing but "tampon-pen" with a note indicating that girls could then always have something to write with, even naked.
Can I just have sex with him and then never talk to him? I need him to be the Mr. Miyagi of my sex life.
Just to let you know... If you ever want to get me a gift, the One Direction perfume comes out soon....... It's called Our Moment. It's an appropriate gift for a 25 year old woman.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I have alotted at least an hour for ugly crying.
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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