i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
OH GOD PAJAMAS ARE SUCH A HARD CONCEPT RIGHT NOW
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
She tried to lure me back to her house by saying she had "real" pizza.
I think rescheduling my finals around when Im going to be hungover is responsible
Shots and making dong molds for my gf's friends. Typical Monday night activities.
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
We have 24 days left before I leave for college and 21 condoms left in the stockpile. Are you up for the challenge?
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
Did I really drink that whole bottle of Jack Daniels last night?
Heroically.
I'm going to start charging you rent if you keep leaving your random conquests on my living room couch the morning after
I went to the strip club tonight. I had never gone, and in a panic I gave the dancer giving me a lap dance a handshake and introduced myself. Redefines business casual.
She has no problem going ass to mouth, but won't eat the pizza crust. I don't get it.
it’s not easy to sexualize brunch. work with me, babe.
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