chasing schnapps with beer is a terrible idea. never been drunk at 3PM before. please help please please please please
I gave her a mint afterward. It felt like giving turndown service at Hotel BJ.
So I just googled the ten commandments... Were fucked.
i cant text you anymore tonight, God gave me two hands for two cups
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When it gets to the point that I'm more comfortable being naked at his house than my own, it's time to readdress the fuckbuddyship.
Its Nebraska, I'm sure im not the first person to wake up hungover in a corn field.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
possible new low: just washed a permanent marker penis off my cheek with porta-potty hand sanitizer.
also if this is gonna be a sample of how country jam will be, I might as well break up with him now. he spent the night blacked out and I could have been in a three-some.
About 98% sure I just walked by some dude jerking it in the library. I'm guessing his college experience isn't going as planned
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
If I walk downstairs and Kelly is fucking in the laundry room again I'm gonna die
So I just watched a seagul attack my boss and steal his food in the parking lot. Today might not be a bad day lmfao.
WTF ARE YOU DOING IT'S FUCKING VEGAN COFFEE IT'S MADE WITH NUT MILK YOU'RE NOT A FUCKING SQUIRREL.
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