He smothers me through text. I can't even image what he'd be like in person.
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
Just waterfalled in the movie theatre... this is the beginning to a good night
If she wants to think that freshman 15 means sleeping with 15 guys than so be it I just gotta make sure I'm one of them.
basically theres shrimp everywhere. splattered on the walls, in the carpet, its bad. ohh theyre never gonna get the smell out.
The polaroid of me taking a test-tube of Jegar out of the gay guys mouth pretty much explains my trip to Spain.
There're making snowcones with the leftover vodka from last night. This is not the time to be making up excuses!
He's drinking 50/50 vodka/water out of a camelback. Disaster would be a compliment at this point.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Remember that night I drank a bunch of vodka, pounded your Jameson because 'you were a pussy', punched you in the face and ran off as fast as my high heels could go? It was just my Russian and Irish sides fighting for genetic dominance
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
But I REALLY want to hide my crazy for as long as possible with him so he'll date me.
I think your dad took our porno
He managed to find a wheel chair and a super mario hat, now hes rolling around screaming "real life mario kart!"
Seeing someone hit Themselves in the balls with someone else's hand is amazing. I love being the sober one
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