Is it normal to miss your booty call?
i've counted 4 condom wrappers but only 3 condoms. not again.
she told me her fantasy was her as a 55 year old cook at a truck stop who smokes a pack a day, and I was the 21 year old illegal immigarnt prep cook.
You told the waitress last night "What tip bracket do I have to be in to see your boobs"
I just ate a fried snickers. I now officially accept all fat jokes
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
That's true. There's really no bad time to take a Vicodin.
It is the Reeses peanut butter cup of pharmaceuticals.
Did a bunch of gravity bongs and am watched hours of Frozen Planet. There is nothing in the world I want more than to hug a polar bear.
How do I know if porn I have watched is haunted?
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
I can't believe I came last night staring into my profile pictures eyes.
You sent me a snapchat of you hugging a beer with the caption "best friend"
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
I mean, you've had my nipples in your mouth now, so I think we've reached a certain level of friendship.
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize
