Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
I've already planned a drinking game for mtvs jersey shore....jagerbomb everytime they do
do you know anything about the $5 bill with my name stapled to it in my purse??
well on a positive note i hear those vitamins you take while pregnant do wonders for your nails
how the fuck is Katelyn 5'1" and 85 lbs and she tackled a bouncer to the ground?
Around noon tomorrow come looking for me. I'll be on Mill wearing whatever clothes I haven't lost yet. DO NOT REPLY. DO NOT ASK QUESTIONS. JUST DO IT.
Totally just drove past you riding your bike. I was like damn, that looks like a cute little hipster boy, and then I realized it was you and that I'd already banged you and it kinda made my day. I hope you're well. Come over soon?
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
Don't worry, I'm not gonna try making you Eskimo sisters with your mom
You know you're stoned when you tell your dog you're stoned only to realise he's not in the pickup
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
your marriage is hazardous to my nightlife
yea, mine too.
You do realize last night you asked me if shampoo had an expiration date then cried for 15 mins when I told you it did
He woke me with blue berry pancakes and a blow job. He's a keeper.
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