a guy named alex was hitting on my friend tonight. he doesnt work on wind turbines tho.
I see lights
Your drunk and in times square. Time to take the 2 train home.
just did a line in a complete hula outfit off a chick in a devil costume. do you think hell will be this good?
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
he cracked the bottle of jager at 11am and said "hey, its Saturday and I gotta do something"
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Just shaved my vagina. It's been so long I forgot what it looked like. You need to come over right now.
He was streaking. We were hammered. We had roman candles. It only made sense to shoot them at him.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
dude i woke up sitting indian style with my face on the ground and my hand in a bucket of ice.
He is gay. There is no bi when you have a manhunt AND you are an art major. That's like a unicorn without a horn, it just isn't possible.
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
doing an easter egg hunt in a liquor store right now. i feel so adult
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
OH DEAR GOD IT GOT IN MY MOUTH AGAIN HELP
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