woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Received world's greatest BJ while in a planetarium. Was seeing stars while seeing stars.
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
It is scary how often "just flash him" is your advice.
Rehydrating your liver back to life is never a good idea.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
He challenged me to a drink off, I couldn't just say no. It was a matter of pride really.
And as he was cursing your name from the bathroom you were ordering yourself another drink on his tab. The poor bastard had no clue you were a pro drunk
Well, my family didn't see me in my drunken super slut state at Summerfest, so there must be a God.
Crust to egg proportion prescribes to a pedantic form of quiche. It's like saying breakfast pizza isn't pizza at all.
And thanks for putting me in that safety position on the bathroom floor while I was spooning the toilet
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
I saw that he had a tattoo of a map of New Jersey on his arm, so i slowed down to like 20mph and pushed him out of the car
I can’t believe the first text I’m sending you from this phone was about how I just got fingered in a smart car on tin can hill
Randomize
