All I remember from last night is puking up a box of cheeze-its and the building catching on fire.
I just heard a girl in all seriousness say, "I told him I'm not a stalker. I just really really want to talk to him."
How much explanation does bbqsexapalooza need?
I just threw up in a patch of wild flowers on the side of the road. I never knew rock bottom was so beautiful.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
Lol. Awesome. Seriously though, I need you focused next year. We're gone have a lot of drinking and stupid nonsense to do, and I don't want dumb shit like responsibility to get in my fucking way.
I'm just walking around Lowe's groping the carpets....
Dude... You called me at 3am to tell me you still had your pants.
So, settle a debate for my housemates. Have you measured your dick. And how long. Results Will not be disclosed
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
You are a super loving wife. But did you, at any point since Thanksgiving, slip me half your bottle of stool softeners?
i could only love him more if he was covered in glitter.
He showed up to my apt at 6am wearing a suit and holding a bag of coke....how could I not let him in?
There’s a stripper dressed like a slutty pilgrim. Is that a thing?
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