He had personality for days, but cock for only minutes
well, if it gives you any insight into how crazy it was, i am currently wikipediaing "anullment"
I wanna get FUCKED up and fail the piss test at my eval so they send me to detox and give me suboxone... Is that bad?
He shit in the bushes next to the pool at the Venetian, after throwing up in the hallway. You really can do anything in Vegas.
the pharmacist hit on me as i picked up my herpes medecine. i think we found a winner.
That's cool how's he been?
He got hit in the face with a beer bottle so he has two black eyes and 13 stitches.. He hasnt changed much.
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
I feel like i got beat with a pillowcase full of tequila shots.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
Tried making out with pop rocks in my mouth. That shit is magical.
I SHITYOUNOT DAN JUST PUNCHED A DEER IN THE FACE. MID LEAP.
Some dudes just stopped and stared at me peeing in the street for like 5mins, and I yelled HEY. HEY. WANT ME TO SHIT IN YOUR MOUTH? I'LL SHIT ON YOUR CHEST FOR FIVE DOLLARS, PAPI
this is why i love drunk you
I keep finding Kraft singles in his pockets. Honestly, this is the weirdest family I've ever worked for.
I just googled, "what type of cured meat does my face taste like", and one of the top results was, "The Definitive Guide to Bacon." I couldn't make this up if I tried.
was I atleast graceful when I feel down that flight of stairs and broke my hand?
Randomize
