Im beginning to think that if I ever write an autobiography it will have to be mostly fill in the blank.
If only guys knew how much awkward ass shaving goes into making sex this good...
Just want you to know I am def drunk enough to burn down your house. Don't worry I checked the stove like 6 times. I love grilled cheese
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
If we worried less about pouring champagne down stripper crack, we probably wouldn't skip so many meals.
apparently i tried to facetime the drunk bus last night, that's probably why we had to walk back to campus
Drunk ass.
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
I look like shit btw. Like the joker from Batman.
I'm not sure how that's possible unless you put on face paint. Which I would respect.
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
One eye has cum in it and the other has sunscreen
summertime
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
I couldn't find any flowers so I brought her a cat.
WHAT A DUMBASS ugh I'm so glad he looks like a middle aged dad now
Now it's a thing. He's kind of a creeper and now he's lotioning me. This is going to turn into a Buffalo Bull situation.
How was jagerbomb pong?
It was like communism. Great in theory. Terrible when put into practice
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