it's amazing how much more room there is in my purse when I'm not carrying alcohol in it
It was either a cute kinda butch tomgirl or a really fem guy. Either way, I made out with it. Bisexuality, my best friend.
She called me her ex's name in a supermarket. How boring am I that she livens up shopping by thinking of another guy?
He pocket texted me while I was blowing him in the car...What are the odds?
Considering how often you blow him,high.
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All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
She said I was the most selfish person in bed she's ever been with and she's fucked Tucker Max.
You did this to me with your delicious pizza and moonshine.
I'll forgive you once we're drunk again by noon.
OUR DIABOLICAL SLUT PLAN HATH COMMENCED!
Last night's dream consisted of you, me, a sauce pan full of cocaine and light sabers. I almost cried when I woke up.
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Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
What's life without a pregnancy scare?
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
Just had a threesome with my best friend and LSAT teacher...just checked three things off my bucket list in one night
We're not ready for visitors right now.
wtf? who's we?
The Royal We: Me, My Vag, and I.
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
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