I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
Successful day.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
I really shouldn't have to apologize. It was your own damn fault for opening a tab at the bar and telling me about it.
Lube is flammable
Who is this??
I really really need to have and out of body experience just so I can talk to myself about this shit that I'm doing with my life.
I think the moment I knew you were going to black out was when I told you how many shots you had already and you were shocked and then poured another one
The sad part is that if I don't get a random pic of your balls or ass or both every month, I start to worry that we're not friends anymore
The guys are trying to figure out my orientation....think theyve settled on "drunksexual"
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
How many fucks given?
0.12846
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
At least you didn't have a hemorroid rupture while banging
Help me help you realize you are a moron
I can feel the shame as I walk down your hallway.. good night
Omg I just woke up in his bed.. I'm fully clothed and he is naked. I'm so confused.
Randomize
