is it bad that i regret hanging out with a girl tonight because that means i have less time to sit on youtube watching xmen cartoons?
Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Replacing day drinking with a real job was the worst decision I've ever made.
You are so lucky that drugs are going to kill you before I do.
At front desk. Got a beer drinking pigeon.
I'm walking home wearing Kermit the frog footie pajamas, carrying a monogrammed shot glass set with my name on it. It's fucking Christmas!
I decided I'm going to give him a celebratory fuck for his accomplishments. Knocked on his door, handed him some condoms and said "I'll be over tonight with sex and booze"
I want to be you.
its 4am. im standing over him in my bed eating chinese food, on the phone with dan trying to convince him to break up with his gf. whoredom.
I've been called an asshole for a lot of things in my life, but I never thought it would be because of potatoes
She had sex with a starfish painted on her face. Thank you Halloween
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I was very impressed with his ability to carry on a conversation with his friends sitting in the front seat with his hand in my pants, getting a hand job, stoned, with a cigarette in his mouth. I think he's a keeper.
My neck is sore from all the headbanging. And I can't tell the difference between the jello stains and cum stains.
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