Oh shit. I just had to lure him into the bedroom so I could take the list of his negative qualities off the fridge so he wouldn't see.
some dude is getting blown right outside the bar in his car. reeediculous
class
he's dribbling her head like he's fucking allen iverson
She was hit by a car at 47 mph and lived. That explains everything.
just took my abortion antibiotic with my martini. i no longer wonder how i got into this situation.
I don't even want to talk about it, I'm traumatized. Even the dog knew to take advantage of the most intoxicated girl at the party...
I have an explanation for how we got this drunk this fast... but you wont like it. We are officially in complete liver failure.
Seriously wondering if smoking a bowl for lunch was a bad idea.
OR THE BEST. STAY TUNED.
Dear sober self: your car keys are in the glove compartment, your car is outside the church. I hope you're reading this from your own bed instead of someone else's.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
Serious question: does drunken cyber sex with a stranger on omegle count as cheating???
I was so drunk at your wedding that Uber is now showing up in my Spotify recent searches.
Don't get mad but There's blood everywhere and the only thing I remember is the bj from your cousin.
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
We're pretty sure we got naked at Pride, so running the two blocks to your place in my underwear is a step up the dignity ladder really.
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