don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
Your clothes are in washers 2,3 and 4. I arranged by darks, whites, then frat... I'm not even joking
my mom told me that she didn't count me in the census because im a waste of life anyway.
The bathroom is trashed. Someone took down all the rings of the shower curtain and Scott threw up on the curtain liner. All the soap and shampoo is in the guest bedroom and the lightbulbs are in a drawer. And there are vom footprints.
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
I am too drunk to make real decisions. I had pop rocks all over my ass earlier. This is not a joke.
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Man, I want to make his penis a sandwich.
It's whatever. I just want to see his dick again
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Stop fucking Sharon's exes.
Sorry it took me so long to reply. I was fucking Sharon's ex.
i just want to get drunk and cry and have sex with lots of men
IM HAMMERED AND JUST HAD CHEESECAKE THAT MADE ME FEEL LIKE NO MAN HAS EVER MADE BE FEEL BEFORE.
I'll give you another blowjob if you bring me some cake.
Randomize
