now i know why they say having sex with her is the equivalent to licking a pay phone
well, it ended with me crying outside the strip club saying i don't want to be 21 anymoree. i'd say it was a great 21st birthday.
I'll sleep on the bed... The couch is now designated banging area. Any banging performed outside of that area will be subject to fines of cleaning up stains.
The beers last night were like the tears from god
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So I just saw Jonah Hill at LAX and decided my fat fetish is back
You should go to counseling for that
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
Alright, deal. Settling two drug deals before noon is what I call a productive day. I'm not even gonna go to math, I've practiced enough numbers for the day.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I hear fucking Christmas music. I'm going to find fucking Santa and tell him to suck a dick and shut up for the next month
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
Never have i felt more judged than when i was throwing up in front of a hello kitty shower curtain at 5 in the morn
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
Are you drunk already?
Not already - at LAST.
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
I'm gonna invite every single tinder date I've had to my birthday. Let them fight, battle Royale style. The winner gets to fuck me. \n\nBest. Birthday. Ever
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