Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Can we please have a moment of silence for my reputation?
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Only she could turn her genital wart appointment into a date night.
Missing a small section of hand. Hope your night is going better
hey. so did i get tied up by a jumprope last night?
Just so you know you don't have to worry about me picking up any guys tonight. The Hilton is hosting guests from the North American Gay Volleyball Association and the Comic Palooza
Your 13 year old niece and her best friend half carried you from the beach to the pool where you then clung onto a raft and screamed about having pretty hair.
Leaving my wallet at work and not going out to drink tonight...SIGN FROM THE UNIVERSE.
Can we make 2014 the year of no unsolicited dick pics?
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
He fucked me while wearing his night time breathing machine mask. Does this mean I joined the dark side and he is Darth Vader?
We should have a mid-burrito sex-break, too. Just so we don't get too full all at once
Good point.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
We were totally high while having sex, I told him fast or slow, just follow your balls. That was a show stopper.
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