he said i look beautiful when i cum. i think i'm in love.
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
somedays, I wish the drugs you give me would convince me they were a bad idea preingestion.
where's the fun in that?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
At least I had a $10 coupon for Plan B today. Smart shopping for bad decisions
He dislocated his shoulder trying to finger me last night if that tells you anything
You tipped the Uber driver extra for taking your phone away while you were drunk texting
That was the first time I ever heard of a female getting road head while driving... thanks for the memory and making me happy ending..
You know you've been on Tinder too long when you're the guy cropped out of the profile pic. Of a woman you're still seeing...
Burnt food and a broken vibrator. Disappointment after disappointment. Is April a man?
I've decided if you aren't here in fifteen minutes I'm leaving you for Mario the 75 year old Colombian bartender.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
Randomize
