Locked eyes w/ her at mainstreet, and said 'yeah yeah get it!' From there we started violently making out on the dancefloor (I had a FULL boner, ps) and then I got her number
Too tired to do the dishes so I made mac and cheese in a teapot. There's still some left if you want some...
it was like fucking gandolphs beard
I woke up face down on my laptop with three windows open: itunes, chat roulette and redtube
How is it possible that i have sex with a guy and he makes YOU breakfast
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Should i put up a tasteful banner for your party that says last chance to sleep with maya?
She clicked her fingers, said "here boy!", and pointed at her vagina.
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
All I've done this weekend is cum and drink. I think it's safe to say I'm dehydrated.
Why did you fed-x me a peanut butter sandwich?
It seemed like the thing to do. There's popcorn on it too.
STOP smoking sooo much weed. Damn
Wow it must be so difficult to be as popular as you are and smoke as much weed as you do
Is it weird that I'm looking up pubic hairstyles?
All you need for a happy life is Jameson and slippers
I basically go to him for great dick and great memes.
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