If you're gonna cry pregnant again I'm not coming over.
I've blown a few things in my day
I thought if I stared at him long enough he'd walk me to my car. but he didn't. he dddidn't. i rreally thought i had those powers.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
as he left, i held up my fist and said "pound it out" and he was like "are you serious, we just had sex..."
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
I'm pretty sure getting a blow job behind a bar in Rome while her little sister is throwing up in a dumpster not 5 feet away, gives entirely new meaning to the phrase "When in Rome"
Shit. We're going to have to drink until they're cute
Hello cirrhosis
It's not even like I care. He was cute 30lbs ago and before he fucked that Michael Jackson look alike.
I heard him say "bet you won't", look over 10 seconds later and she's blowing him.....looked eloquent under the glow of a camp fire.
WHY DOES HE HAVE TO CALL WHEN I'M MASTURBATING?! This time I'm really pissed. It's like he knows he's depriving me of orgasms.
Operation terrify all men while simultaneously make them fall in love with me is going quite swimmingly so far
Me: I shouldn't go to the airport bar it's too expensive and I don't need it. Dark me: SHOTS AT 7 AM
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
last time we tried to watch a movie together, we ended up having really aggressive sex. during the Lion King. so what Disney classic will we be ruining this time?
Randomize
