That's what happens when you let Keystone Light make your decisions.
I'm at the store buying plan b and vodka
the cocktail of hope
oh my god. my mom just found my pipe. she thought it was a dildo.
like i said, there should be a sitcom about your family.
It was like good, clean fun, but with bodyshots.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I'm sure you can think of a way to make money.. God didn't give you boobs that awesome to waste them feeding your children..
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
orgasmnado...tomorrow night
That's what I'm talking about
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
Doing the walk of shame from the back of a Jeep to the porta potty it's parked next to while your dad watches is not what you want.
Let go out that Thursday night!
Yess sounds good, I have to go turn myself in the next day because what happened last Friday.
you missed a good time last night.
you texted me at 10 telling me to come fuck you, that says enough.
just used my $120 dollar stats book for the first time to kill an ant... good thing i stole it
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