this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
Definitely just saw the guy I went on a date with Friday night dressed in medeival knight gear on the quad preparing for battle. Oh my God.
She said I wasn't helping her abandonment issues by not responding to her texts at 4 am
Just threw up in my seat during the national anthem. Probably not good.
Her mom is home on her lunch break. Guess who's hiding In the Closet?
Woke up naked on my floor covered in cookies. We should celebrate fake hurricanes every weekend.
I got pushed into some bald man in the pit and spent the next few minutes with my face against his head. Man I love ecstasy.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
Running my fingers through my hair was like that scene in Patch Adams where the old lady got to swim in a pool of pasta. I love Molly.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
its a recording of you guys having sex?!
its actually 30 minutes of him begging and then 2 minutes of sex.
the sex is SO much better when he thinks im going insane
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