i got lost in a forest last night. this morning I realized the "forest" was just 6 trees on campus.
her bf's celebrating 10 yrs of service at kfc...it's safe to say all the good men are taken
His facebook status was woke up with a whale ..... Captain AHAB IS BACK !!!!!
I think I found an E pill under the couch.. Or really bad tasting candy. Check back in 30min this could get exciting
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
Is tonight a drink a little and reminisce kinda night, or a drink everything and pray kinda night?
im actually so stoned and hungover i feel like a bag of jello stuffed into a human shape
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
I'm sure it's not the worst thing to ever come out of my ass
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
I think it's a scientific achievement that I can make jelly that is 95% vodka so suck it up.
Snaps to my Ella Fitzgerald station for such a jazzy walk of shame
Listening to The Little Mermaid soundtrack should cure my drunkeness right?
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
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