Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I think Memorial Day also marks the beginning of "Bikini Profile Picture" season.
I had to drink heavily last night because I needed to forget that you told me you want to blow my dad.
That's the point dumbass, I can't use my boss as a reference cause they'd have to fucking call him in prison.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
No man. Everyone needs to shit off a roof, at least once.
He will be forever remembered as "birthday failure" ...Got him to pierce his tongue in my bathroom, but not sleep with me......
Thanks for fingering me to orgasm during Wu-Tang Clan
You can't break up with me. I brought you to see Beyoncé.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
The modern romantic, surprising his gf w/ a gram of blow
Stop making fun of my hookups!
Stop getting hookups that I can make fun of!
Randomize
