The kid in front of me is videochatting and typing to his gf. I should make poop/sex faces over his shoulder, right?
just told my mom that i'm having a bad day and she responded with "maybe you should pour yourself a nice drink". good to know that my parents support my future of alcoholism
she moaned out jack bauer's name while i was banging her...
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
I like that we've become good enough friends again that I can make fun of your penis without it being awkward
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
This guy has a theme song for the joints he rolls
My booty call fought through ice and a foot of snow to get here. He brought booze, food, and cigarettes for three days. My vagina is the greatest motivator of all time.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Besides, I don't need any more men there who have seen my tits. #bearwatch2014
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
A respectable fucking: good but like I don't want to get kicked out of my hotel room
I just read my D.A.R.E. essay from 5th grade. I'm having mixed feelings about my previous life choices right now.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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