was stoked on phone sex until he started reciting lines from star wars
Iiiiiii almost fall ib the lake
I wish the iPhone would register texts from 11:59 as "Last Year" instead of "Yesterday."
My drug dealer just made me a sandwich at the local deli. Starting to question his street cred.
Whatever. I indirectly made you cum overseas. Call it even.
Just in case you were wondering I sent you a text at 4:37 in the morning because I woke up on the side of the highway at that time
Yeah like 200 white people came and they are playing that one Biggie Smalls song everyone knows.
Its what happens when I drink whiskey in a sweater. It makes me feel mature and ponderful.
There is an alarming amount of food in my bra.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
I just overheard an "I'm going to get your dick so hard" conversation at Costco.
man fuck you i am a delight. you're the one who fucking set his tree on fire while high
he broke off the kiss to ask "can I grab your boob?" like props for asking for clear and concise consent but there HAS to be a sexier way to do it
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
Randomize
