when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
He told me to pick a safe word. I said 'cactus' and he said I wasn't taking this seriously and that I wasn't cut out for s&m.
I told him I'd rather have sex with his father last night. I'll admit now that I was drunk.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Well, I just hope you know I had your best interests at heart when I put your sandwich down my pants.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
she fascinated with the iron the back of the toilet seat. she made me sit in the bathroom with her for a solid 10 minutes while she just stared and laughed at it
Woke up in her bed this morning with a half used condom stuck to the side of my face
How can a condom be "half used"?
I went home with a guy last night because he showed me some magic tricks and kept shouting "THEY'RE ILLUSIONS MICHAEL!"
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
Currently on my Sunday walk of shame. Should I go to church?
How many Hail Marys does a girl need to say to get some quality nudes?
so i find a box of condoms inside my car with turn by turn directions to her bedroom... kinda freaked out cause she got my address and somehow inside my car
Watching a guy pay his tab with a check. Jesus dude...
I pointed at him and said “there goes mr fuckwad”
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