I also tried to drunkenly adopt a kitten last night. It didn't pan out.
She said I walked up to the McDonalds counter and ordered just a cup full of pickles then proceeded to offer some to everyone in the place.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
I need to find a more grown up way of dealin with a hangover at the office than pringles and mountain dew at 8:30 am...
Finally washing the shoe scuff marks off my front windshield :( bye bye memories
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
He's like a fucking cake pop, the greatest thing in the world while it lasts, but it never lasts for long enough
So random question. Does beer act the same as other alcohol disinfectants?
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
My tits became the mascot for the SAE house last night.
Took an adderall for the first time in a few weeks. Spent 45 minutes peeling an orange TO PERFECTION.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
He graduated. He’s not my GA anymore. He’s just the 24 year old that’s helping me put a sexless marriage in the rear view mirror by exploring the Kama sutra with me
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