Im gonna name my vag after egypt, "the valley of kings"
The best feeling....farting and having the bubble hit your balls
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
aparently i pased my english final. I don't even remember taking it.
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i don't know how it's possible. but i just bought groceries for a week with the money i made off returning empties
She's the drunk girl with the air-horn and sunflower seeds.
if i got ashes i think they'd burn a hole into my head with the amount of sins i've committed this year alone and it's only february
The only thing I remember is vomiting and then feeding my dog a Mcdonalds cheeseburger and telling him yolo
and let me tell you something, handcuffs are surprisingly uncomfortable when they arent being used in a sexual manner
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Just to prove a point, she called and ordered a pizza 10 min before she ordered the blow and it still got here first. I may never leave LA.
I told you!!! And that is why he's the drug dealer to the stars.
Im about to get a baby alligator stoned, what are you doing with your life?
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
You have ten minutes starting with this message to get here. Or I'm putting my clothes back on.
were you aware we were supposed to be taking care of her hamster this weekend?
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