i tried to light my apt on fire. reasons why drunks and women should not cook
The guy next to me is watching porn. EVERYTIME I COME TO THE LIBRARY SOME RANDOM GUY NEXT TO ME LOOKS AT PORN.
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
you traded sex for a burrito?
So.. My internet got red-flagged at work because i did a search on "midigit strippers las vegas" This may be hard to explain...
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
She deep throated me and when I woke up she made me pizza. I was full of emotions I started to cry.
Sorry for trying to force you and Robert to make out. I didn't realize how awkward it was until I woke up today.
Bro, she used the potato bongs to make French fries after. She's deff a keeper.
In lieu of flowers, please donate to The Hungover Children's Fund in my name.
i was thinking shit as she was saying it. it was a sarcasm time loop
I have no idea why my husband is mad that I came home at 4 am & all I want to do is eat spaghettios. It's not fucking spaghettios fault.
At least you didn't get an invite in the mail to your fuck buddy's baby shower like I just did. My life is a sitcom
Its because she suspects I'm a frequent drug user, which I am, but I am going to make her feel like she is crazy for believing it.
I don’t want to brag, but vows, morals and will power are no match for my blow job skills
Randomize
