Banged a lazy eyed chick last night. It was like fucking an iguana.
I just had a flashback of 4:30am: me hugging the toilet bowl and you handing me a jar of pickles to open. There is something seriously wrong with us.
you know it takes a lot for me to use utensils conservatively
Jenny was looking for something soft to drink since it's only noon, she chose spiced rum. Think she might die today
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
I gave you head at the stadium on a Thursday night ESPN game. That damn well better be worth points on the score board!!!
Remind me never to take that much Vicodin ever again. I laid in bed measuring my heart rate for an hour and a half because I was afraid it would stop.
The only thing I accomplished today was naming the bag of wine I've been drinking
Some days you just pee in a stairwell and go home.
They're fucking on the bed next to me. I took adderall and smoked so there's no fucking help for me.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I just wanted to personally thank you for throwing clementine slivers at me across the room while we made out
I suggest both. Please have sex with them and prepare notes for a final comparison.
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
you should come have a drink with me (non alcoholic or otherwise) im at the same bar as your sister and a few guys that would apparently "lick your butthole"-congratulations
Randomize
