We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Theres a baby at this concert double fisting pacifiers. shes gunna do great in college.
I'm watching Cheaper By The Dozen. I almost forgot that Hilary Duff was a really shitty actor before she was a really shitty singer.
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
you will always have a special place in my vag
They put me in charge of something. Why the fuck would you look at me and put me in charge of something while i'm double fisting peach mimosas at a baby shower
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
She tried to leave the threesome and I heard you yell "Hey! We don't quit at halftime!"
You couldn't remember her number so you tried to dial her name into your phone. Once you realized you didn't know her name, you dialed 7 random numbers
My liver needs the occasional pep talk and a reminder that we are two weeks into freshman year of college.
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
he threw his shirt and suit jacket out the window of the uber going home
Can we be gay Bert and Ernie for Halloween?
Please god tell me you aren't pregaming your date alone.
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