hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
Great. There's a birthday party at work today. Now I can stand around and feel uncomfortable for an hour.
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
I have a spoon shaped bruise on my ass...
I was just "that girl you seen blowing some dude outside when you drove by"
I'm standing in the shower drinking with the light off and a candle lit, listening to Amy Winehouse. Be proud.
I just came so hard there were tears. Actual tears.
I have decided that today will be all about indulgence and hedonism.
Do you think it's safe to mix miralax with a tequila sunrise?
Sam was like the mother fucking Moses of drunk and underage kids and he lead them to safety away from the cops. He's a hero that we deserve.
Please don't buy a buttplug. It won't fill the empty space in your heart.
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
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