Drunk x Brooklyn = problems getting home. If I don't make it you can have my computer and my bitches. You're welcome.
I don't think cute and don't forget to get tested belong in the same text
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
i gave him the "yep, i was your girfriend's collegiate lesbian sex story" head nod
He measures volume by how much weed he can put in it and surface area by how many people can have sex in it.
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
Do you remember anything yesterday that led to needing a cup of couscous in my closet?
and you will have a crown and it will be made of penises and all will bow before you and your glorious penis crown
He and I are basically the same person, except he has a glorious penis and I have glorious breasts.
When asked if they had been introduced, Damo said "No but I know we've pretty much fucked all the same girls in town"
All right, sex is off the menu for you. Now you just get friendship. So I can spend marginally less time being annoyed by you.
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
i've got three words. i. was. spanked.
Randomize
