If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
You're so easy to please, it's adorable. Like an alcoholic puppy.
I'm at taco bell and they have a hiring sign asking "do you like to melt things?" clearly they only want the ambitious.
We're celebrating his weight gain and arrest.and by we I mean I, and by celebrating I mean getting dangerously drunk
Life lesson: When you compete in an impromptu "bloody mary chug-off," in the end, no one wins.
If you wake up soonish don't worry. I took your dog to burger king and now we're going to see some nice girls.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
We found her on the doorstep. Just layin down going, "I made it home!! Aren't you proud??!"
Im gunna just be that one ballerina in the low V leopard thong leotard and everyone else can be boring and prude with their little pink tights on.
OMG IM A TIGER AND I LOVE ROARING
I woke up this morning half naked, smelling like an ash tray, with an empty bottle of jack next to me, and now someone named Dora the anal explorer is texting me.
Using my graduation announcement box as a table to roll a blunt on. I've official stopped giving a shit about senior year
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
I seriously thought Satan had his hand up my asshole and was pulling out my soul. Never. Again.
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
Randomize
