i celebrated the independence of our country by dry heaving tequila all morning. so classy. happy 4th.
we just watched the ball drop on the spanish channel. best mistake of my life.
Don't ask how, but I'm pretty sure my name is now on a lease to a taco bell franchise in maryland...
You'll be happy to know that I did indeed fracture my rib in a sex related injury
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
One of my preschool students told me today that it's not pollution that makes the water in lakes unclean. It's the hobos. I was absolutely speechless. And just so proud.
Found out why they call her Halfpipe Jenny-NOT the cool reason we thought
Hey. Can you be so hung over that you get a rash?
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He told me my butthole was like "Narnia" and that it's a wonderful place he would like to visit.
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
You showed up at 4 a.m with two middle-aged men, a 200 dollar bottle of wine, three bottles of beer, no shoes on, and a half eaten red velvet cake.You are never drinking absinthe again.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
So, I woke up under a table with an alarm clock on my face, my hair in a bag of popcorn, and my phone charger wrapped around me.. what happened?
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