I swear to god Kristen, if this "cute" guy you are trying to hook up with's friend asks me if we can role play, and I play his mother one more time, Im leaving. You have 3 minutes to save me or I am out.
We had to be out of the dorms at 730. Meeting started at 8. I woke up at 948. Drunk and covered in glitter.
I'm trying real hard to keep it on the DL how drunk I am at lunch with my grandma.
after the cops left he pulled the weed out of his ass and we smoked it
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
Drunk sex destroyed my coffee table... ikea this weekend?
Also. When I die, I'm gonna have them put me in the casket naked and then have an open casket funeral. That will be my last chance to make people uncomfortable.
I'm toasting stale bread and thinking of you
Is that a sex thing?
Is selling savings bonds for acid money something a normal person does?
ditto.
about cumming, not toast
Dude. I keep thinking about how I let a man gum my vagina.
I fucked that choir dude last night. he had the most strangely musical moans. it was like a Sound Of Music porno.
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
Psssh like you wouldn't lick BBQ sauce off my nipples.
Randomize
