well,he told me "i bet you five bucks that i can right cum on the mirror with my cum" i said alright do it, lets just say he's five bucks richer...
I kept grabbing at Stephanie's boobs because I thought the leopard spots on her dress were popcorn.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
I can hear my liver begging me not to go out tonight
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He came over while I was in the ER and hung pictures of himself around my house.
He said to me this morning that we should finish these beers, go and get plan B then on the way back, go to the pub to celebrate the death of our baby. I love Manchester.
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
I just used my glow stick from the dance to find my way in the bathroom to puke. Who wants me on their corporate team
Is it socially acceptable to break up with someone over snapchat?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
His constant posting of "inspirational" Taylor Swift quotes over the past 3 days has me a little worried. It's like, holy shit dude, you're almost 30.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
And here I am, playing fetch with my cat at two in the morning.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
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