What ever happened to making out with a few boob grabs here and there?
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
They have a pepper shaker for pot.
He took me by the hand and ordered me to make him vodka soup.. I think I like him?
My last google search was 'bulk asian wives' I don't know either
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
He needs a high five right to the fucking mouth. With a chair. Or an atomic bomb.
I drove two hours just to throw up on myself today at the beach. My family saw the whole thing and my younger cousin cried
Who had my phone last night? Whoever it was sent "Fuck you, you're adopted" to half the people on my contact list.
ALWAYS CAPS LOCK. IS THERE EVER A SITUATION THAT DOES NOT CALL FOR CAPS LOCK? NO.
Sexting? Sexting in caps lock seems rather unnerving.
I WANT YOUR BODY AND I WANT IT NOW.
I rest my case.
Carson kissed me on my cold sore before I could stop him so I think I gave my kid herpes. Mom of the year. Just call me MOTY.
he's like watermelon oreos; I know they're gross and weird and I shouldn't like them, but I can't stop eating them because they're there.
Mom told me you snuck booze into a concert in a cheez its box...I have never been prouder to be related to you
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
So... he's my second cousin's step-bro... To do or not to do?
Randomize
