Girls don't like it when you cum inside them and then discuss baby names.
I wouldn't call it sex. It's like when you put a plug in a socket half way. It's not all the way in but it still turns on the light.
he whipped it out and it smelt like my toilet after taco Tuesday
24 hour fitness called offering me a free trial stating that you referred them to me. I told them you have been taking pics of naked guys in the locker room and selling them online.
That's not a bad idea, actually...
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
I'm sorry I put you in the washing machine. I honestly thought you would fit.
We just had a sexually tense moment where we both chose the trough the pee. I love gay clubs.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
Can someone please explain where the fish in the mason jar came from when we were at a bar all night?
You told the bartender if he gave you one of the fish you'd go away
You bring me burritos. Of course I text you during sex
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
My desire to pee is a lot higher than my need to be buzzed right now.
Why is there bacon in the couch?
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