Ninja stars and alcohol are a bad combo
atleast your grandma didn't give you her USED dildo just so you wouldn't have sex.
My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
I dunno, but she kept buying me shots and asking me to go places with her. oh btw we're signed up to go bungee jumping Saturday
Every time I get scared about the fact that I'm falling for him I remember that he juggles and is hung like a mastadon and everything is a-ok.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
They told you that you couldn't fit in the dryer. Man, did they eat their words. You did brake the door though.
She is sending me pics of her sex faces...which totally counts as sexting in my book
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
Let's FaceTime each other while we shotgun beers
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
You threw up with such class too! Tiara and all.
I'm going to make a stack of pancakes and fuck it. Right now.
Drug test isn't today. Now I'm just sitting in this orientation with a bag of your piss in my pants
Girls - I think I have a problem with stealing random shit when I'm drunk.
Randomize
