HIV tests are more positive than that guy
Sad Moment: I only had enough $ at 711 to buy chips or salsa. I chose salsa and took a plastic spoon
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
I drank almost a whole fifth last night. Woke up with blood everywhere wearing a "stereotype this" tshirt. How fitting
You NEED to fuck him he's a doctor with one leg. Are you kidding me right now. This will definitely make the list. Plus he buys all of us drinks.
do you remember the combo for the lock to my pants?
Using your ex girlfriend's little brother to pick up women at the a&p: priceless
Wear whatever you want, I'm wearing ass-less chaps and a sombrero
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
You asked the waitress what the corking fee would be on the Joose you smuggled into the restaurant.
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Yeah. I couldn't figure out why my toes hurt. Apparently, the guy I was dancing with, kept running them over with his wheelchair.
Brought some lesbians back to the light side of the force
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
what are you up to?
it's 8pm, i've already showered and gotten in bed. if you wanted to make plans u should have asked 3 months in advance
Randomize
