I'd rather drink alone in my closet than hang out with that girl
the cure to his relationship is in or around my vagina.
who knew getting puke in ur hair could make it look so cute and curly. minus the crusty puke part
He threw a goldfish cracker into my toilet and then proceeded to laugh for 32 minutes. I timed it.
No. I remember how loud you used to get. Trust me.
you fully convinced the taxi driver that we were in a race
I gave up my innocence when I let him cum in my spelling bee trophy
It's the first day of summer. It's not a race it's a marathon. Pace yourself
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
No cash. I had to buy four bowls of soup to meet the credit card limit. I'm not even upset. SO MUCH SOUP.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
We don't have any ice, so I'm using the frozen cognac to reduce the swelling on Abby's toe.
I'm not saying you did or didn't sleep with him but he's has your thong hanging from his ceiling fan
Don't forget Giraffe in your car! If we show up in the same outfit without animal heads we're just gonna look weird.
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
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