i jhust puked up my retainher.
tolerance is too high. going on a liquor strike. ghandi style.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
I woke up while squatting on top of my bed peeing on my comforter and my laptop
I was hitting on her while she was puking ... yeah i was pretty drunk
Plans for halloween need to outrank Caesar, Cleopatra and Mark Antony's threesome...just saying
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Starting St Patrick's Weekend, non stop flights on Pacific Whorelines to the scenic HotMessXpress. Get the cougars ready, it's gonna get weird.
He came over last night and as soon as we started having sex Siri announced "you've arrived at your destination." I think it was some kinda sign
Idk I was embarrassed that I hit it too hard so I played it off by spitting out bong water like a 'whales blowhole'
Like I respect him so much I would suck his dick
In a very non respectful way
Happy anniversary, did you sign and mail in the divorce papers yet?
Can you send me a picture of your dog? I might need to borrow him so I can wear a speedo to a pool party on Friday
He was simultaneously rubbing my shoulders and fucking me. I'm keeping him.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
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