420 ftw
how can you tell if its a queef or a fart from that close?
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Say it nicely.
Fine. I want to lovingly bend you over and lovingly fuck the shit out of you. Happy?
you finished all 5 burgers, started crying tears of joy, and then claimed the tears were actually just 'meat sweats' from your eyes
Partial kegs from last night are currently in my bathtub, which leads me to 2 questions: 1. What are you doing tonight? 2. Can I use your shower?
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
Go big or go home. i snuck in two beers in my bra. im here to win.
I want a bunch of melted cheese. or a penis. or a penis covered in melted cheese
i'm not saying you're gay. i'm just saying all my gay friends think you have a great ass.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
You just want to live out all your fuck fantasies with all these girls through me. I know your game. Well played sir.
Dude. You dropped to your knees and face planted into the rocks. And continued to talk on the phone and laugh. That's where those cuts came from.
He woke me up because I was snoring and went for a second round. First time I'm happy that I snore
I didn’t eat all day. Got really drunk at a bruins game and puked in a random dunkies cup on the T
If that doesn’t scream I’m from New England, I don’t know what does
Randomize
