i think my tv is drunk
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
he sent me a naked picture of himself. things got awkward really quickly. but on a positive note he shaved his chest
It tastes like I coughed up blood....hello liver damage, I've been expecting you.
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
yeah he was eating me out and i didnt know someone made popcorn so I thought the smell was comming from my vagina
wtf
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
I'm ultimately at thr Shariton to drink and ppssibly puke on fancy shit. Thats my story and Im sticking to it.
The following message is brought to you by IMSOFUCKINGSORRY. Dude I'm really sorry I got you arrested last night. You are allowed to choose a repayment plan from the following options: Money, weed, or a single kick to the balls any time within the next calender months. Repayment outside of the aforementioned options can be negotiated and considered within reason.
I'm ready to take a few years of my life this weekend
I am about to embark upon a south Boston wedding....
Hydrate.
I just got attacked by a swarm of butterflies. Nothing is okay anymore.
There will always be a place in my black heart for him because he gave me my first sex-induced orgasm. While you slept on the bunk above.
Are u alive? If u are, you deserve an award.
I would rather contract a disease that would eat me from the inside out and make me suffer painfully while it slowly killed me than to put myself through the 20 minutes of agony that is having sex with you ever ever again.
I think you're talking dirty but I'm not sure???
Randomize
