There comes a time in every man's life where he has to shit in a catbox to prove a point.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
Well, shes famous, an alcoholic, hillarious, and has big boobs.... Pretty much my only aspirations in life.
after he handcuffed me and put me in the back seat, "Mrs. Officer" started playing, I thought maybe this could be my escape
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
Now they're talking about doing whiskey shots since they're flipping the turkey over. You might need to drive me home.
Has now officially visited every ER in this city in one semester.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
When I come over I'm bringing "Socky" the Alcoholism Prevention puppet, today he is going to tell you boys about his FAVORITE word---its called "moderation"
i look like a southern belle. however, i am around a million kegs. so i will be a southern shitshow.
I take it we used my cleavage as a pen holder last night during the graffiti party. Looks like the colours of Crayola exploded all over my chest
I thought my broken hand would put a damper on Halloween, but fake costume eyelashes and hydrocodone are kinda fun at the same time.
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
We have sober sex! It's a real relationship.
If you have been drunk at one point during the day and are going to bed sober that same day, something is very wrong.
Randomize
