Do you think I can haggle my way to discounted weed on 4.21?
Yeah, all the sudden I heard a loud "ding" and realized I had been passed out on the dorm elevator for about an hour....
Chalk up having sex in a car wash.
He's coming over, and I hope he doesn't get hungry. I'm sure its not proper protocol to bring one booty call to another booty call's house for the munchies.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
the bruise you left on my ass looks like africa. the other just looks like a hand.
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
I just try to date guys based on what I need like I am trying to find an electrician now
You gays are geniuses
I think i should wear mittens next time we have sex.
If you loved me you'd bring cheese fries and a condom
Don't pretend you don't want to dance on the edge of overdose all three nights
We ended up at a lesbian bar and all my co-workers tried to get me laid. This is not how I envisioned coming out.
I got laid while wearing a shirt with a picture with my little brother deep throating a banana on it.
she started chasing me through the forest like a horny serial killer
Randomize
