The class that normally occupies the room we use for my Monday class had to do posters as if for a Hamlet movie and they pick actors for each character and this person wrote "Robert D. Niro"
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
she moved to the other side of town, do you realize how far i gotta walk to get a blow job???
At what point were we discussing suction-cupping a dildo to the wall?
Speaking of ejaculate, did you get the side of your car cleaned off?
The bouncer called to give me my shoes back when I got there he said " I'm all cool with fuvking bitches but when you try to to do it in my bar on the pool table you're gonna get chocked out every time"
At least you got your shooes
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
Teaching my class, used paper clips to fix my hair. Too hungover to be a kindergarten teacher.
I'm surprised I didn't lose anything last night. Except maybe my dignity but other than that we gucci.
Well that was the first and last time I've had to write "divorce party" on a request time off form. I'm throwing it for my mom. What is my life turning into.
FUCK YOU AND YOUR WEAK ASS EYEBROWS
Everytime I give him head I make him rub my back. Teamwork at it's finest.
Your cat ate my taco.
. . . I don't have a cat?
It was laying in your bed. Now it's hunting for more tacos.
I’ve got a sex swing and lube, he’s not going anywhere soon
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