Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
Would you still love me if I had no teeth
Yeah why?
Cuz i woke up this morning and a few are gone
The amount of 12yr olds downtown right now boggles the mind. I can thank taylor swift for a glimpse at my future 3rd wife.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
Dude I could put my dick between the gap in her teeth.. This is the last time we are hanging out with Kentucky girls
I'm texting you from across the beer pong table to tell you that the drunk chick you brought over needs to disappear. like now.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Dude she broke four ribs, how does a 110 lb girl break four of my ribs during sex?! It hurts so bad but was so worth it
Slip and slide hallway was not one of my better ideas.
michael burned off one of his eyebrows making a pizza so he had to shave off the other one to make it look even. it doesn't look right, but I'd still bang him.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
We also had rum, but now that's all gone. Which I feel is appropriate for a pirate party.
You were typing for me while I was hyperventilating into a paper bag on the floor.
He hasn't responded in 6 hours and the last thing he sent me was a picture of 7 grams of coke. I'm getting kinda worried
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
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