so now that im really awake i see that my underwear are completely ripped down the side, my shorts are on backwards, i have to go get plan b....i call last night an epic fail or success depending on how catholic i am feeling
So then I told him that only a restaurant managed by a florida fan could run out of ketchup
Dude, I just went to take a piss and looked at my ballsack... Underneath was labled "L" and "R"
just got my tax refund and at bell. how do you say i want a grand worth of 5 layer burritos in spanish?
He leaned in to kiss me and I dodged him but i fell on the floor. I guess I never got up cuz I woke up on the floor and he was in his bed
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
We enjoyed our moment of partial gayness together
She had forties taped to her hands and was trying to give him a hand job while he was passed out, with everyone in the living room.
If I take diet pills with my edibles I'll be a perfect person
What the matter? A girl can't play some Super Mario without being accused of being high?
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
Preface: Im drunk. But i think id make a good assasin. That is all.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
As a member of the kink community, I feel grossly misrepresented
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