My grandmass entire neighborhood is over for dessert and i'm high as fuck...about to make a couple of freshman boys real uncomfortable
Freshman in high school? Just your type
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
he said i ruined lesbian porn for him
and then you seriously asked him to senior prom..which freaked him out since you told him earlier you were 22
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I am thinkingif I am doing snow Angels in your living room, I probably had too much to drink
This is your morning news. Today at 5 pm I will be going out of town until the 29th. If you would like some great sex before I leave, please contact me. The available packages are: a house call, an outdoor excursion, or a delivery style in-car quickie. available only while supplies last.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
Drunk me Does not appreciate a drunk, naked you kicking me off the couch at 3am. You have a bed here, you dick
if i actually get asked out by my dealer what could happen?
i don't know, but it probably involves bathtubs full of weed
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up on his couch and my bra was flung across the floor and filled with animal crackers
Apparently she hired a private investigator when he took out a restraining order on her. So the answer is no, I didn't hit it.
I think I was just recruited to join a religious lesbian cult by these 3 really pretty girls and I'm tempted to join
Because of you I'm damaged goods. I'm a fucking soup can and you dropped me.
Hey I know we haven't talked in a while, but I wanted to thank you for those m&ms you bought me for Christmas. Sorry I never got you anything then broke up with you.
can jess come too?
sure! but I don't have enough booze for the both of you.
she comes with her own booze, no worries.
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