According to Glamour magazine, experiencing sexual pleasure helps you live longer. I am dying an early death.
I searched the house and found a small bottle of sherry which is probably as old as I am, has prob gone off and tastes like shit. I don't care any more. It has come to this.
currently wearing a football players overly sized underwear. discovered a shot count on my leg. I'm a tank hahahhh
You remember the guy that busted in waving a tazer at everyone yelling "get the fuck outta my crib"?
yeah you don't forget that shit easily
We ended up crawling out from our hiding spot and playing pool with him once he calmed down. His name is Marcus. I got his email.
I guess I could probably fit that in between deep self reflection and teenage mutant ninja turtles
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
And thanks to you I'm pretty sure I'm banned from every qdoba in south carolina. And cab company
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I'm floating on a 30mph cloud right now not giving a fuck
Jealous. I want an iud. Maybe there's a late night bodega that'll insert one for me
You tried to stop drinking but then she started feeding you tequila with a spoon. You were like an adorable baby bird.
i spent my Thursday drinking before noon and not wearing pants
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
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