It's a miracle Ok Typing texts toYou right now
I looooooove Saturdays!!!!!!!
I am absolutely hammered
Unmistakable female orgasm noises coming from upstairs shower
She must've brought a toy -- seriously doubt that he's up to the task
I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
not sure how we got back down, broken rib says we didn't use stairs
quick, send me a pic of a fat chick eating ice cream in a bikini. no joke, no questions, just do it.
But I was triple fisting doubles, that's bound to be a good time. Might have a broken collarbone though.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
This family outing has commenced with me throwing up in an apple orchard
xanax give me strength to not ask where we stand with booty calls
Okay, maybe filling water balloons with vodka was not our best idea.
Just cuz I'm recovering alcoholic does NOT make me the taxi for you every weekend
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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