I was the only open register tonight and I just sold condoms and chocolate frosting to the ex..
dude you have to find out what a girl's name is before you sleep with her. if her name is debbie she's boring, if her name is lauren she's an overrated hoebag, if her name is meagan she gived bad head.
That's why Kanye is a gay fish.
bouncer thought i was tryin to get the license plate numbers of strippers to stalk them. I had to go show him where I threw up to get back in.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
idk if you're aware of this...but we could potentially have the greatest hate sex...ever.
All I saw was a beagle come across the screen and explain the theory of relativity to me and leave
I actually want to hang out with her with our clothes on. That's a big step up for me.
I'm sorry I dragged a dildo (on a leash) into your room last night.
You are the only person I know who got away with wearing a turtleneck while getting laid. ONLY person.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
I am day drunk. Get ready to see my dick.
I just don't remember. It's like I went to bed on July 3rd.. and woke up on the 5th. Nothing.
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
Went to open youtube this morning, and the last search was "ten hours of whale sounds" Best pillow talk ever!
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