I need help removing her.
Sooo i definitely have a major burn on my chin from kenny's ...stubble from making out for hours while coked up. Pure class.
I just smoked pot in front of my old Elementary School. It's like my Childhood and Adulthood are coming together in this awesome thing.
You told me I was special while we were having sex and I asked why.
What did I say?
Don't ask me questions while I have an erection,
what if his mom answers? its like high school, but hes 30
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
Babe. You eat pussy like a god warrior sent from a galaxy far far away to destroy female genitalia with new realms of pleasure. That's how I know your not gay.
Tried to make out with a statue, turns out it was a person.
Get you some cowboy.
In that sentence you are the cowboy. That is not saying you should get a cowboy for yourself.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
You have not lived until you've puked on your sequined UGGs in the Rite Aid parking lot while going to buy emergency contraceptives.
I'm gonna look back at these days one day and be like "damn I shoulda been turnt but I was in bed instead watching netflix"
I think I swiped left on my soulmate
He just turned down phone sex for hockey and I'm so relieved I'm fucking a straight guy that I'm barely even mad
People probably think I’m a fangirl bc I go to so many shows but it’s really bc I like fucking the tour manager
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