So how was last night?
Let's just say I danced with the devil
Huh?
I'm going to Hell for sure
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
how soon is too soon to introduce handcuffs into a relationship?
and his room smelled like strippers, childrens tears, and fear
Well on a lighter note, guess who just threw up in the elevator
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
He made me cum 7 times AND I nearly drowned him during that 69 in the back of a ford focus. Yeah I should get my gynocologist.
This is the second girl that said she wanted to fuck me while wearing a clown nose. Fuck online dating
They're either celebrating their tax money or trying to kill each other.
And in that, my finest lazy stoner moment, I used my cleavage to hold my bowl steady while I packed it laying down in bed.
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
I saw seagulls fucking earlier today. What have you done with your life recently?
Tell him to put up or shut up. Can't be dangling dick in front of ho's without delivering.
It's just disrespectful
Randomize
