sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
i'm signing you up for texting rehab
We walked through the hotel lobby in slow-mo taking huge steps because we were astronauts, and astronauts obviously can't be drunk.
i think i will get a tattoo on my butt that says "im not bluffin with my muffin", but i guess if i was serious, i would get it above my c-section scar
hey..i found a takeout box with a half-eaten hamburger in it, the box said to text this number if found...
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
We couldn't find him for like 4 hours. Turns out he was sitting under a tree and had thrown his phone in a lake because he couldn't figure out how to unlock it. Freshmen.
He passed out naked in my bathroom, then took a shower, then passed out again and then took another shower. Last time I let my brother visit.
I'm just going to eat until there's an actual reason why he wouldn't want to fuck me.
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
My parents woke me up at noon to tell me my maid had found my clothes strewn all over the neighborhood
Ever wonder what all the drugs you've ever done would look like put together?
Heaven. . It would look like heaven
I think I fell asleep on the dance floor at one point...but played it off cool and acted like I just did the robot.
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
shit... I double booked my fuck buddies
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