You wouldn't stop asking the hibachi cook if his knife was a hattori hanzo
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Nothing says "You're all grown up now" like setting up your 401k with shitty underwear.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I'm pretty sure you thought I could absorb alcohol through my dress
I smell like Captain Morgan and tears
Mike showed up naked and in handcuffs. Again. Feel free to come over and laugh because I'm not helping this time.
ALMOST WRECKED MY SCOOTER. DAVE FRANCO HAS A TWIN AMD HE GOES HERE
I can now recognize that when my wine bottle reaches a certain point, I probably shouldn't tweet, text or call anyone. RESPONSIBILITY
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
Do you remember feeding the vacuum doritos last night?
I blame her lesbian super powers of coercion.
Randomize
