We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
morning outfit: hottub soaked skirt. no underwear. someone's bandanna worn as a shirt. took me an hour to walk home. this isn't fun anymore.
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
I meant to tell you earlier: bad life decision saturday has been moved wednesday this week
He came in my eye, I lost my earring and all of his friends saw me topless. Happy New Year to you as well.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
The engagement ring savings account is now the strippers and gin savings account. What are you doing tonight?
He sat on me and said I owed him $10, when I asked why he just said "lap dance"
I am taking a candle lit bath, blasting some tupac and smoking a fat bowl. This is how every night should end. Did you go take a piss in his car yet?
if a girl cums in a dorm room and no one hears it did it really happen?
YOU RAISED A SWORD OVER YOUR HEAD AND SCREAMED AT HIM WHAT THE FUCK ELSE DID YOU THINK WOULD HAPPEN?!
He in a way got kinda cockblocked by Jesus
Is it weird I can only picture you in my heels naked?
Be proud; I'm a versatile boyfriend
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
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