If Jimminey Cricket were here with me he would be so disappointed.
The police are arresting two women who got in a fight for the last Twilight DVD at Best Buy. Classic.
so im gonna ask for shark week off tomorrow at work and i advise you do the same
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He made me a "booty call of the year" award.
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
Sorry about the voicemail last night, people in hostel thought getting the clap from cheating on me wasn't enough and you hearing a 6 foot 5 Swedish dude bang the shit out of me was needed.
She looks like a junkie muppet...awful
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Do they sell "congrats in losing your virginity!" cards and do they come in gay?
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
This is what I get for listening to Christians.
Randomize
