i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
Drunk off five beers on a Tuesday. I'm not sure which part of that statement is more sad
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
It feels like eating ice cream while riding a unicorn over a rainbow waterfall made of glitter.
That is possibly the gayest thing that was ever thought of by anyone anywhere.
Just got walked in on while fucking in the lounge in the performing arts building. The janitors gave us five minutes to leave and applauded our exit
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
And after we debated politics. My dream come true: naked, just got done having great sex with a hot mixed guy, talking about why social welfare programs are a bad idea
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Gonna be hard to top last New Year's Eve when the guy I blew came at midnight
Also, you should've bet on Team Liver.
We won.
USA USA USA
You may have gone on a date, but I ate chicken nuggets shaped like dinosaurs for dinner tonight. I think we both know who the real winner is here.
That's a beautiful sentiment.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
This weekend I turned down sex to watch the Star Wars marathon... Is this growing up?
Hhhaaa He said Peanutburter disinfect lol. Like peanut butter can disinfect stuff. None of those guys are safe
Randomize
