I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
If Billy Mays did an infomercial on your dick, it still wouldn't get you laid.
thats the last time i clean cum out of my retainer.
What started out as Cougar hunting turned into whaling
I just love slightly exposed cleavage. Not too much to be whory but just enough to say "your kids will never go hungry"
It's like there's a party and my mouth and everyone's throwing up
The only bad thing about this relationship... my forearm strength is dwindling
did i call you last night crying about tacos and the royal wedding again?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
There is soup leaking out of my nose nothing in life has prepared me for this moment
Does Jim keep sending you pics of him in drag too???? If so, are you also slightly uncomfortable?
Back of his car in the Starbucks parking lot WITH HIS APRON STILL ON. Check and Mate.
Holy shit. You won barista bingo AND the Triple Crown in one day.
I'm sorry I peed on the bushes at your law firm. Is there anyway you could defend me for the ticket I'm about to get?
Thinking about licking your asshole. And hugs and stuff too I guess.
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
Randomize
