this ugly chick literally cried last night because i wouldnt let her give me head
she has over 3,000 tagged photos on facebook. dont tell me she isnt annoying.
we need a dd. For wednesday. At lunch. What are we doing with our lives?
succeeding
I only broke up with her because the ex sex is amazing. She will do ANYTHING if i even hint at getting back together
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
We are probably going to have to use your boobs as currency to get this done
Let's go get our ovaries removed together. It'll be like bonding by getting mani/pedis, but with more vicodin and less unwanted pregnancies.
I swear she hasnt shaved since the last time we hooked up 5 months ago
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
It's like wanting to be a vampire vs being a vampire. You don't know the cock lust until it's infected you.
sorry for pouring tequila vodka and whiskey down your throat and left you to sleep on a table
I did something very bad. More specifically, my boss.
i think the people from taco bell are onto us. they had my order ready today at 3am BEFORE I even got there.
Please tell me why I’m standing naked in the kitchen drinking pickle juice out of the jar & there is a container of potatoe salad with no lid & a spoon in it on the floor 🤦♀️
Who in their right mind would frost a cake with their butt?
Randomize
