I got a lap dance until she said they wipe of the poles between each dance to clear the "std slime", i couldnt even masterbate at home it was a horrible military monday
Dude you can sell sperm for 100 to 250 bucks a time. And the best part is there will be kids all over the world that will have me as a daddy. It's like I'm jerking off my way into ruling the world
you were smoking 3 cigarettes at once saying 'cancer isn't real! Its all in your head!'
I think i'm just gonna start shot-gunning everything that comes in can form.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
his mom and i are swapping prescript pills..totally mother in law material.
he was alternating between taking bites of butter and bagel. he said it was easier than finding a knife
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
i'm laying here naked in a pile of empty landshark bottles, is lauren still hiding under the toilet?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
I jumped out of a moving car going sixty into my driveway because I had to shit so bad. It is not a good day today.
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
well i don't know if 30 seconds is exactly a good time but at least he bought me breakfast
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
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