I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
Hey its the Filipino guy from last night. I just wanted to say sorry my friend bled all over your driveway. Great party though.
I know I said that I'd stop dating 20 year olds... but at least this one's not my student...
He kept singing "who's that peekin in my window" we thought he was high til we realized someone was lookin in the windows.
I blacked out after the shots of canned lobster bisque.
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
Where the royal fuck are you??
The depths of vodka hell.
I have a kicked-out-of-multiple-bars level hangover today
wrestling a boy for fruit? sounds suspiciously like foreplay...
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
Puke-y regrets or just things-seem-far-away regrets?
Banged a guy with 2 broken arms once. Top that
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
Randomize
