I'm watching tv and he's trying to stick a vibrator in my ass
i love how cold weather makes identifying sluts easier. is it below freezing? is she wearing a tube top? she's easy.
i just opened a seperate checking account to keep track of how much i make and spend on our keggers
It was like having sex with a donkey. Everytime she got close she would kick me.
He said hes taking shrooms and watching jurassic park so we're making a t-rex costume
we need ur ladder
The couch is in the bathroom. I don't understand how that is even possible. I couldnt even fit that shelf thingy through the door. Come help. I am about to pee my pants.
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
This is NOT the time to take our hits and go to Disney. Let me repeat that. NOT THE TIME FOR DISNEY ON ACID
You'd be proud! I didn't lose my id this time... It got confiscated
Yo, go checkout Kerri's Instagram quick! There's like 12 pics of her fucking some guy in a bar's bathroom. GO GO GO GO!!!!
Dude. Where are you? There's a hot chick drunkenly dancing on the bar and aggressively taking shots to Pink songs. She looks like she needs a rebound. Get. Here. Now.
FUCK NYC TRAFFIC.
Blizzard, Hour 9: I'm 7 beers deep and have finished Ninja Turtles. I am listening to the NYPD and Nassau Fire Dept pipes and drums and writing new drum scores in my head, which I may or may not remember tomorrow
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Apparently I was so drunk last night I got stuck in the revolving door at the hotel. They have suveliance vidoes of it.
It's not even 8pm on a Friday and I've already got a guy to tell me how big his penis is. Watched anything good on Netflix lately?
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