nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Are some dicks heavier than others? Random question as I'm feeling mine.
There is booty call etiquette, and he just isn't following it. I'm not making you breakfast, gtfo.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
he just used a semicolon in the middle of a sext
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
I'm like 'WOMAN, YOU'RE 62, RESHEATH THOSE COUGAR CLAWS.'
They left around 10:00 this morning. I've been naked since 10:01.
Mom said it is up to us to plan Thanksgiving. Hooters or Scores?
Or???
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
My roommate has a sixth sense about my jerking off and walks in EVERY. SINGLE. TIME.
The ass gains better be worth it
Randomize
