That's intense
yes, too bad my tears were being wiped away by tits in my face
I just accidently deleted 60 gigs of porn from my external hard drive. Thats over 300 pornos! I think im gonna cry.
Im surprised that you are even able to text me right now.
He's sitting on the floor holding his bracket and crying, literally crying... he just keeps saying "Kansas how could you?" over and over
I think being a buddhist has made me a better drunk
He could tell i had a fever by feeling my tits. He gets docter of the year.
We bought home drug tests to see which of us could make it look more like a kaleidoscope. What happened to the days of innocent fun trying to best everyone with a breathalyzer?
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I can't even masturbate anymore!! That was my last source of cardio!!
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
Nothing says "class act" like eating acid in the middle of a Buffalo Wild Wings
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
I sprayed his whole room with my perfume and left lots of my hair on the bed. So now if he does bring her home, the bitch will know this territory is marked.
And then I woke you by humping you to Lionel Ritchie.
Randomize
