we sat in the hammock and pretended we were skydiving for three hours. jack actually started crying when i convinced him his chute didnt open.
We had sex on a ferris wheel in canada, our relationship will never be the same
She compared sex to doing dishes."You scrub them until they're wet."
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
Just woke up with 34 slim-jims in my pocket. Too afraid to check the others.
there was a fucking fire juggler. but it was ok bc i was in the kiddie pool and it was the safe zone
I think I used your jacking off shit when I showered. I couldn't see shit, it was all oily. Fuck power outages
Its okay I walked into your house, searched for my wallet in your purse, and took a shot of Tequilia all without eye contact, right?
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
Their engagement party consisted of them doing shots, yelling at each other, leaving for 30 minutes, and coming back with smiles.
I'd say they're off to a great start!
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I refuse to answer that question on the grounds that it may incriminate me
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
It's like a donut of clothes around a pair of heels. Like they were transported to another dimension naked.
Randomize
